IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Foods
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 that can be bought ready and aimed for a fast meal are pervading and may substitute home-made
foods
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 that
root
Wrong verb form
are rooted
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 in
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
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 and history of
people
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. In my opinion, if the current trend of eating unhealthy
foods
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 continues, they will become the main meal of
people
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. Those against eating processed
foods
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 point out that healthy
foods
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 that stem from
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
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 and history of
people
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 have been preserved over decades. In fact,
foods
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 that are a tradition in
country
Add an article
the country
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 reflect their background and previous status. They have been kept
due to
Linking Words
 their high nutritional value. Most
foods
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 that are a common part of a country not only are rich in vital vitamins but
also
Linking Words
 cause no allergies. Having been maintained and handed down by previous generations, they will not disappear or lose likeness
due to
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 some trendy and unhealthy
foods
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.
Nevertheless
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, packaged
foods
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 are unimaginably becoming more common
due to
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people
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overwhelmed
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being overwhelmed
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 by social and economic issues. Being busy and not having adequate time to cook custom
foods
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,
people
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incline
Wrong verb form
are inclined
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 more towards buying ready meals. What matters the most for individuals is saving time for
Correct article usage
the mort
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mort
Correct your spelling
most
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 important work.
Furthermore
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, food companies strive to increase their
overall
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 transactions by advertising
foods
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 that are capable of being reused. They
also
Linking Words
 attract
people
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 by making their products more attractive, which can be kept fresh for other uses. MacDonald”
s
Correct your spelling
's
foods
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 have been sold globally and are aimed
for
Change preposition
at
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people
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 busy with work and want food
that is
Linking Words
 fresh and can be reused.
Hence
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,
people
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 will gravitate more towards
their
Change the word
the
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 potential benefits
to reuse
Change preposition
of reusing
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 their food.
To conclude
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,
although
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foods
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 which are
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
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 in countries are of utmost importance
due to
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 their history and high quality, traditional
foods
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 are outperforming them mainly because of their taste, beauty, freshness and
people
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’s insufficient time.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in presenting your stance on the topic and the points you will discuss in the essay. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to reflect a clearer opinion and outlining the main arguments.
coherence and cohesion
In your second paragraph, the points could be better organized. Each point should be distinct, and transitioning between them could be smoother to improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
In the third paragraph, some specific examples could enhance your argument about the popularity of convenience foods. For instance, you could mention statistics or studies about trends in processed food consumption.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could be stronger by summarizing both sides more effectively and reiterating your perspective with a broader implication or a call to action regarding food choices.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which enhances the depth of your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is diverse and appropriate for the topic, showcasing a good range of linguistic capability.
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