IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that if a country is already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some humans believe that any addition
in
Change preposition
to
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economic
Add an article
the economic
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 wealth of
already
Correct article usage
an already
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 rich nation can not lead to increased happiness rates because of other aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
uneffectiwe
Correct your spelling
ineffective
effective
 laws. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as
advanced
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the advanced
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economics
Use synonyms
 of the country can widen national budgets which is beneficial for starting new projects. On the one hand, many developed countries with huge
Use synonyms
economics
Correct your spelling
economies
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 should
primarly
Correct your spelling
primarily
 concentrate on other sides of their politics to facilitate human lives.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly because in some situations basic funding, in order to deal with a problem, can be
unefficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the US the general quality of life is not essentially large despite its
economics
Use synonyms
, which is the biggest in the world,
due to
Linking Words
 the impact of
uneffective
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ineffective
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 regulations
such
Linking Words
 as affordable
weapon
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weapons
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 and huge crime rates.
Hence
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 rich nations should
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
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 solve their internal problems rather than focus on material wealth.
However
Linking Words
, with stable and large
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economics
Correct your spelling
economies
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, nations could invest
on
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in
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 different projects
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals and parks which are able to indirectly make people happier.
In other words
Linking Words
, accurately planned budgets may positively impact individuals by providing them
good-quality
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with good-quality
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 healthcare and
enterteinment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
while
Linking Words
 increasing
own
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their own
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 budgets. To illustrate, in many developed countries like Japan the government funds different sides of the community which is why
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 increased
economics
Use synonyms
 is an important decision.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the huge amount of
monney
Correct your spelling
money
 is unnecessary if laws are
unefficient
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inefficient
 enough because focusing on material success can not bring significant
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 in
shambless
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shambles
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in completely ordered places,
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
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 budget is essential as it provides more opportunities.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure your arguments are clearly structured and supported with logical developments. Consider using more linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced points of view in your introduction. This includes acknowledging the opposing view before presenting your perspective.
grammar and lexical resource
Proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'uneffective' to 'ineffective' and 'teh' to 'the'.
content
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, with an attempt to analyze different perspectives.
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