Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Undoubtedly,
music
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plays a crucial role in modern society. Some people are convinced that
music
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is entirely beneficial to individuals and society,
while
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others consider it harmful to some extent. As for my perspective, I am strongly in
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of the latter, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. A myriad of factors might lead to why
music
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seems positive to the world. First of all,
music
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serves as a good channel for artists to deliver their personal emotions, which typically resonate with certain groups of listeners.
For instance
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, when Kobe Byrant, my
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basketball player in the NBA, passed away years ago
due to
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an unexpected air crash, I was cured by listening to a sorrowful song called ‘See You Again’ by Charlie Puth.
As a result
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, sometimes songs can give the audience comfort.
In addition
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, recording
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events is
also
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a vital function
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music
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. To be more specific, we have better learn from previous experiences to avoid similar mistakes, like songs related to World War II reminding people of the consequences of greed and hate.
On the other hand
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,
music
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is accompanied by various drawbacks in my opinion.
To begin
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with, a minority of songs contain improper content, including pornography or violent lyrics.
This
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phenomenon might be harmful to youngsters, as they tend to learn everything they are exposed to.
Furthermore
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,
music
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can be distractive, making it challenging for people to stay focused on their studies or work.
For instance
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,
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there is a hit called ‘APT’ by Bruno Mars and Rose, and it somehow keeps coming to my mind when I study in the library, decreasing my learning efficiency significantly. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I believe that
music
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has shortcomings that might be detrimental to us, including involving bad content and threatening one’s concentration.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by exploring the positive aspects of music in more detail before discussing the negative influences. This will enhance the discussion of both perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction is strong, ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes all points discussed to reinforce your opinion rather than simply restating your view on music's shortcomings.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and provides examples from personal experience, which adds depth to the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Harmony
  • Melody
  • Rhythm
  • Socio-cultural
  • Artistic expression
  • Cognitive development
  • Soundtrack
  • Moral implications
  • Acoustic ecology
  • Intellectual property
  • Authenticity
  • Commercialization
  • Media literacy
  • Sensory overload
  • Acculturation
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