IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In today's world, the meaning of
success
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 has various meanings depending on the situation of a person. Some believe that advancement in
career
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 and education is a real
success
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,
While
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 others count happiness as
success
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.
Success
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 through a good job or through getting any degree is seen as a greater achievement.
This
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 is mostly common with young people, Depending on where they live, and which family they belong
.
Change preposition
to.
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 Since their childhood, they have been taught that having a 'good job, own house and a car' is understood as a sign of leading a successful life. It runs in the blood and passes through generations.
For example
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, In a country like India, every teenager is expected to have a highly paid job in some multinational company, irrespective of his passion and hobbies because
success
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 here is measured on the basis of bank balance.
On the other hand
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,
According to
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 me,
success
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 should be measured on the scale of the happiness of an individual. Rather than focusing on work and money all the time. A person should always have some time for his family and friends to break free from all the stress and anxiety.
Although
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, a
career
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 is important but not at stake to lose yourself. A person working at a small firm with a small salary, if he is happy and living peacefully is much better than someone working at higher positions who is making more by working every time.
To conclude
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, it all depends on the situation of an individual. Focusing on the
career
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 is important nowadays to lead a good life.
However
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, neglecting health and other aspects of life
while
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 focusing on a
career
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 is not beneficial in the long run.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use proper punctuation, especially in compound sentences. Avoid starting sentences with 'And' when used to connect ideas.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples that illustrate your points clearly, helping to enhance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You present a balanced view of success by addressing both career and happiness, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
Your personal insight about success based on happiness is an interesting perspective that adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
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