IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is an individual responsibility to take care of an environment but others think it is the government's job to do so. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era, it is believed by some individuals that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people should take care of the natural
environment
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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others say that it is the
Use synonyms
governments'
Change noun form
government's
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resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. I endorse none of them and believe both of them are responsible for our planet and I'm going to explain more in the rest of
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, some groups of society see helping environments as an individual thing. The number of people in each country reaches a million at least and if each person takes a minor step to help the
environment
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, there would not be any environmental issue in the future.
For example
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, Germany has a recycling system in which everybody can collect water bottles and give them to special stations and in return, they receive some money.
This
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 system has led to great progress in recycling.
Additionally
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, if society
trys
Correct your spelling
tries
try
 not to harm our planet, there would be no need for
governments
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 to spend astronomical amounts of money because of environmental concerns and
this
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 money can be devoted to other things like combating crime and poverty.
On the other hand
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, the issue that
governments
Use synonyms
 should take care of the
environment
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 has a lot of advocates.
Firstly
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, most of the pollution stems from nuclear
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 and other dangerous wastes which are released into the air by
governments
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.
Hence
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, it is their job to erase it.
Secondly
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, the lawmen have access to huge quantities of funding which can be spent to fund environmentally friendly projects and inventions. An American scientist,
for example
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, invented a device that could heat a house without any fossil fuel but it failed eventually because of its high costs.
Thirdly
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,
governments
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 usually own influential social media like Facebook and they should encourage the community to help the
environment
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that the
environment
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's condition is going to deteriorate unless people and
governments
Use synonyms
 cooperate and preserve the earth from any jeopardy.

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Grammar and Accuracy
Be cautious with grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'trys' instead of 'tries', 'environmental concerns' in place of 'environmental issues', and 'lawmen' which could be replaced with a more accurate term like 'governments or authorities'. Emphasizing the precision of language will enhance your essay's clarity.
Task Response
For an even stronger task response, directly address how individual actions and governmental responsibilities can complement each other more explicitly. This strengthens the argument's cohesiveness and provides a clear, nuanced opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to increase the diversity of your linking words to improve the flow and cohesion of your essay. While your essay is well-structured, a wider range of connectors and discourse markers could provide smoother transitions between ideas.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the essay's main argument, demonstrating good skill in framing your discussion.
Supporting Examples
You have successfully included relevant examples to support your arguments. This not only enhances your task achievement but also provides tangible evidence for your claims.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint, followed by a reasoned conclusion, shows effective organization.
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