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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the biggest problems facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigger challenge. Discuss both views and give your opinion

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
These days, with the
influental
Correct your spelling
influential
 impacts of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 , some argue that increasing
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is a
biggst
Correct your spelling
biggest
problems
Change the noun form
problem
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there may be valid arguments to the contrary. My
eaasy
Correct your spelling
easy
 tents to dwell upon both views.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is increasing day by day because of better lifestyles and
time
Use synonyms
 management . Whenever
people
Use synonyms
 have their own
vehicles
Use synonyms
, they easily manage their
time
Use synonyms
 and move from one place to another.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 not only affects the environment but
also
Linking Words
 affects
people
Use synonyms
's health.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , parking is a measure problem at
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 cannot easily
finding
Change the verb form
find
be finding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 space in the
cities
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will face
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 when they drive
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 will park their
car
Use synonyms
 at the loading zone or no stop zone and they will get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fined
Replace the word
fine
show examples
 ticket.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
however
Linking Words
,increasing
vehicles
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 is the biggest challenge. Because
car
Use synonyms
 space are fewer and parking
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 are getting more expensive. For
intances
Correct your spelling
instance
instances
, officer who
are drove
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 their
car
Use synonyms
 and park in the building for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours will
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 them higher.
Body paragraph 4
Also
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,
people
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 will
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of
time
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 on the road in the peak times because everyone
going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 home
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
after office
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
.
This
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 will cause
people
Use synonyms
 mental stress ,
fatigue
Correct word choice
and fatigue
show examples
 and reduce the spent
time
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 with their family or kids.
Body paragraph 5
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 which are open in the
cities
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 face the same problem as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing the
vehicles
Use synonyms
 and lead to
traffice
Correct your spelling
traffic
, so some family will choose to different areas which
nearby
Rephrase
are near
show examples
 their house without
go
Change the form of the verb
going
show examples
 to
cities
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
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although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing the number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is a vast problem because of imposing lifestyle and
time
Use synonyms
 management .
However
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 should
ba
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 made aware of the positive sides of walking and using
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 like bicycles.

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task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your introduction. For example, explicitly state your overall opinion about the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs clearly. Consider using transition words to better link your ideas and maintain flow.
task achievement
Ensure specific examples are clearly explained and more relevant to the context. This adds strength to your arguments.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument, which is a crucial part of the task.
task achievement
Your essay reflects personal insights about the topic, which helps engage the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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