IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people are happy to spend their whole life in the same area, Others prefer to live in many different places in their life time. Discuss both side of this argument and give your opinion

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 find comfort and a sense of stability in living in the same place during their entire life.
However
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 not
conventional
Add an article
the conventional
a conventional
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 way to live, as a significant amount of
people
Use synonyms
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 frequent
movings
Fix the agreement mistake
moving
show examples
.
How
Correct word choice
As
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 we can see, there are two different groups arguing with each other. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to consider both points of view and attempt to express my own opinion. The first group of
people
Use synonyms
, that I would name
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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"stability-lovers", prefer to prevent themselves from any disturbances,
while
Linking Words
 movement implies being fairly worried.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they decided to stay
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same house or flat if it is possible.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is important for
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 to feel a sense of having
home
Add an article
a home
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.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, they often attempt to avoid
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moving even if the situation requires it.
For instance
Linking Words
, a decent number of individuals
declines
Correct subject-verb agreement
decline
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 a profitable job offer if it
requirs
Correct your spelling
requires
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 move
in
Change preposition
to
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 another city or even neighborhood. The second group does not have
such
Linking Words
 strong sentimental feelings.
In contrast
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 are often ready to risk and they frequently have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant desire for freedom and personal success. Particularly, it seems
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
acceptable for them to move out from their home and head to
absolutely
Add an article
an absolutely
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 different place if it is going to provide them with more benefits. What about me, I think that as we live in a free society, we are eligible to live as we want. It is important to feel that your way
to
Change preposition
of
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live
Replace the word
life
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 resonates with your mind.

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction to more clearly present both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and use connecting phrases to improve the flow of your ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to support your claims about both groups' preferences.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is essential for addressing the task.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a good contrast between the two groups, making the discussion more engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of belonging
  • community ties
  • established routines
  • long-term relationships
  • cultural exposure
  • personal growth
  • independence
  • adaptability
  • rootlessness
  • life experiences
  • security and stability
  • nomadic lifestyle
  • diverse cultures
  • support network
  • disconnect
What to do next:
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