IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In contemporary society, it is extremely crucial for children to learn about
ethical
Replace the word
ethics
show examples
, politeness and responsibility. Some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for teaching them morals,
while
Linking Words
 others say schools are better in
this
Linking Words
 aspect. From my own perspective, I believe both
has
Change the verb form
have
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own value in educating children. In terms of
parents
Use synonyms
, they are more in control when it comes to teaching their kids.
This
Linking Words
 is because their child has already been with them since their first day on earth, which formed a strong bond between them.
As a result
Linking Words
, their child is more likely to trust what their mom and dad are saying and is
also
Linking Words
 more open-minded when it comes to sensitive
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
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, which they don’t feel comfortable enough to share
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with a complete stranger.
This
Linking Words
 connection provides the adults
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 indication of the child’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, leading to
an efficient solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
efficient solutions
an efficient solution
show examples
while
Linking Words
 changing how they perceive the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, if their child
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 acting inappropriately in front of strangers and adults, their
parents
Use synonyms
 will be the first to spot
this
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and distinguish
this
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 type of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schools provide a formal educational system.
This
Linking Words
 not only offers them the necessary knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 gives them an environment where each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 interact with each other, which enhances their social skills and
teamworks
Correct your spelling
teamwork
team works
. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 alters their attitude, transforming them into a better person. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a lot of debates have been made in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 subject, it is undeniable that both schools and
parents
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in leading the children to the right path.

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language
Ensure you use correct plural forms and subject-verb agreement consistently. For example, change 'both has' to 'both have' and 'if their child are' to 'if their child is.'
content
Try to provide more specific examples to back up your points, as this will enhance the clarity and persuasion of your argument.
cohesion
While you connected your ideas well, you might want to use more linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
content
You presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both parents' and schools' roles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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