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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many say that competitiveness is good. What effects it has? and is a positive or a negative step.

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Having a challenging spirit is considered a benefit. It can grow
people
Use synonyms
’s character
as well as
Linking Words
 be a driving factor to motivate them. In my opinion, it is beneficial
due to
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 its potential for making
Use synonyms
friendship
Replace the word
friends
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. When
people
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 compete with others, they can spot their weaknesses and strengths. Having found out the critical points, individuals can compensate for their mistakes,
hence
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 developing their character.
For instance
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, a shy sportsperson can turn from an introverted person to a sociable one by attending
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different races and experiencing diverse circumstances.
Additionally
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,
competiveness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
 can act as a motivational factor, causing
people
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 to push their boundaries and move forward. Indeed, it is vital that
people
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 engage in challenging competition to elevate from their status
que
Correct your spelling
quo
 and lift to an upper position. Competitive spirit is generally assumed as a positive step because of its main effect on
friendship
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.
Although
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people
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 may lose a championship and feel annoyed, they meet like-minded
people
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 whom can strike up
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friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 with. In fact, what
cares
Verb problem
matters
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 the most during completion is fostering
friendship
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 rather than simply competing. The Winter
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
, which is held in winter, not only shows a race between
people
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 but
also
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 a way that
people
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 can depict their culture and make
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friendship
Replace the word
friends
show examples
 with others.
Therefore
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, the real purpose of championships is to make
people
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 kinder and friendlier towards each other.
To conclude
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,
competiveness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
 is of utmost importance because of
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
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 aware of their weak points,
developing
Wrong verb form
develops
show examples
 their character and motivates
people
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 to work harder so as to achieve their goals, and is advantageous for societies
due to
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 generalizing the custom of
friendship
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, including more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your points further. Try to elaborate on how competitiveness has directly influenced friendships or personal development.
content
The essay presents clear arguments for both the benefits of competitiveness and its impact on friendships, demonstrating a thoughtful perspective on the topic.
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