IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
mind
Verb problem
think
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 that young
people
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 should be required to have
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 until their adulthood,
while
Linking Words
 others think
that is
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 not necessary. I believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should not
distribute
Verb problem
spend
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 their
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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education
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by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own and they must have a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that having
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
education
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 is better for young
people
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due to
Linking Words
 the opportunities of being fully involved in their studies. First of all, teenagers are future
students
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, so they should gain much experience
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 during their
education
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 at school or college.
As a result
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, they will be ready for challenges in
further
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 life,
such
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 as
a work
Remove the article
work
a job
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 or
an
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a
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 university
education
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.
For example
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, in university the studies will begin already at a hard level,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to school. Young
people
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 that had not learnt enough will
be experiencing
Wrong verb form
experience
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difficulties with catching ideas or new subjects. Another reason is that having plenty of free for teenagers can encourage making mistakes.
This
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 may lead to any types of problems, that are not good for anyone, especially an adult.
On the other hand
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, having a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
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education
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 can reduce worries about distributing
time
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 for their deals and
education
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. The main reason is that they would have a strict schedule
that is
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 already made taking into account the needs of
students
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.
As a consequence
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, they only need to follow to given graphic so they would be fully entertained about all
information
Correct article usage
the information
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 that they need in
further
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 life. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example,
scheduls
Correct your spelling
schedules
schedule
 at all educational institutions are distributed
due to
Linking Words
 the needs of each
teenagers
Change to a singular noun
teenager
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, so there will not be any problems with
time
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
.
Secondly
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,
full
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full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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 is a curriculum of the government for young
people
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, accorded to the statistics.
As a consequence
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,
students
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 have good knowledge of school or college materials and
time
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
, so they are already involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the correct system. In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that young
people
Use synonyms
 should have
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 until they are at least 18 years old because
this
Linking Words
 decreases problems with
time
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
 and gives enough knowledge to the
students
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction by articulating your opinion more clearly. Instead of "should not distribute their time for education by their own," consider phrasing it as "should be required to engage in full-time education until they are 18."
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and develops the main idea without wandering off-topic. Using linking words and phrases could help with the flow.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of saying 'some people think,' you could refer to educational policies or systems in different countries that support full-time education for youth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for Task 2.
task achievement
You have included relevant reasons for supporting your opinion, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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