IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

One of your friends recently had a birthday celebration, but you missed it and you forgot to tell your friend that you couldn’t attend. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: explain why you missed it explain why you didn’t tell your friend and say what you would like to do to show that you are sorry

#friends #birthday #celebration #friend #couldn’t #didn’t #show
Dear Sandy, I'm writing
this
 letter to apologize to you for not going to your birthday party and not letting you know. Let me start by telling you why I couldn'
t
 go.
Last
 Saturday I was taking care of my niece at my sister's flat when she slipped on ice and broke her knee as she was arriving back home. As you can imagine, it was a complete disaster after that and we spent the whole night at the hospital. The reason I didn'
t
 call you was that after spending hours in the emergency room, my phone's battery died.
Then
, I couldn'
t
 remember your number from memory, so I wasn'
t
 able to let you know about everything that was happening and the next day, I was too ashamed to confess it to you. To make up for my terrible mistake and ask for your forgiveness, I would love to take you out to eat as much sushi as you want, at your favourite Japanese restaurant. After that, I want to take you to the cinema to watch the newest Ghibli movie, as I know you're a big anime fan. I hope you accept my apologies and give me the chance to reconcile with you. Yours sincerely, Amanda Lago
Submitted by amandacflago23 on

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Task Achievement
In terms of task response, you addressed all parts of the prompt effectively. To further improve, try to provide even richer detail or reflections on your actions to deepen the explanation of your behavior and your relationship with the friend.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your logical structure follows a clear order, which makes the letter easy to follow. However, to enhance coherence, consider using a wider variety of transition words or phrases to smoothly link ideas between paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
For cohesion, you've done well in maintaining a single idea per paragraph. To improve, try weaving in a few more referential words or synonyms to avoid repetition of key nouns and verbs throughout the letter. This will also help enhance the letter's overall flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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