IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that old people should not be forced by law to retire at a certain age if they wish to continue working To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is
beleieved
Correct your spelling
believed
 by individuals that there should be no specific
age
Use synonyms
 limit when the older population should take
retirement
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 still willing and able to work . I personally believe that it should be one`s own choice and conditions when they want to retire from work , rather
being
Correct word choice
than being
show examples
 forced at
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 to leave
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
. First of all, every individual does not same financial conditions. Not every person can afford
livinghood
Correct your spelling
living
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain amount of money in their
retirement
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are other
factor
Change the wording
factors
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such
Linking Words
 as if a family member does rely on their income . It could be their kids
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sick wife or husband etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not affordable for those
people
Use synonyms
 to leave
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 jobs at certain
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of
life
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. They might
require
Wrong verb form
be required
show examples
 to work longer time of their
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in certain countries
such
Linking Words
 as India ,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 population keeps working after
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 , because their pension amount is way less
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they can not survive to meet their basic needs.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after working their whole
life
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span
Verb problem
apply
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some
people
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 get used to that environment and cannot resist
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working. If they stay at home without doing
Correct article usage
a specificv
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specificv
Correct your spelling
specific
 job , going outside and being socialized they do get depressed and sick.In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
, at
later
Add an article
a later
the later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 they want to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
 around
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they do not have proper family support. It is their approach which keeps them motivated and happy.
However
Linking Words
, setting a specific
age
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 for taking
retirement
Use synonyms
 by the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 is their way to ensure that in the workforce the new generation can get the opportunity . The older the
people
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 their physical and mental ability to stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 decreases, which eventually affects the companies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, older
people
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needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to enjoy their
life
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 and take care of their health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, after working
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , countries
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 set the
age
Use synonyms
 for
retirement
Use synonyms
 and provide them
pensions
Change preposition
with pensions
show examples
 , so they can peacefully enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
 the purpose of
retirement
Use synonyms
 is to ensure
people
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 the rest and take care of themself at
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should have the right to decide whether they want to keep working and discontinue, no matter what reason is it.

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language accuracy
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct to improve clarity and readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct spelling (e.g., 'believed' instead of 'beleived').
coherence
Consider enhancing the coherence of your points by using more cohesive devices (e.g., linking words) to connect ideas. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
When presenting the counterargument, make sure to fully develop the reasoning behind it to strengthen your essay. Each point should have adequate elaboration and support.
content
You have presented a clear stance on the issue and articulated your views on both sides of the argument. This shows your understanding of the topic and contributes to a balanced discussion.
example
Your examples, particularly from India, effectively illustrate your points about the necessity for some older individuals to continue working. This adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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