Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Correct pronoun usage

There

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is much debate and discussion these days that, the mobile phone of every individual must be tracked all the time by the local authorities, Some argue that

this

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

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invasion of their

privacy

Use synonyms

and there should be some authorization method before violating anyone's

privacy

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will discuss both views, But personally, I agree with the protection of everyone's private life.

This

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is common these days to increase the

overall

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safety of the country. The local governments are recruiting agencies to monitor every individual's personal devices. If some reports are to be true

this

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is usually carried out to avoid crime happening in the first place. Well,

this

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is a good approach and it has the potential to save thousands of lives from terror attacks. If the police

has

Change the verb form

have

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the piece of information regarding the location and time of the attack, they can easily save lives and

as well as

Linking Words

protect the nation from upcoming dangers.

However

Linking Words

, there are

also

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some who think that violating anyone's

privacy

Use synonyms

is immoral. People will have their own private moments that they capture through their smartphone's camera. If someone is watching them all the time, the citizens will not feel safe in their own country. There should be some tool or application where the authorities can ask for permission before getting inside anybody's device.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the level of access that they want to grant should depend on the owner of that device. If he or she does not agree on anything

then

Linking Words

his or her decision must be respected.

To conclude

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, I would say that before invading anyone's

privacy

Use synonyms

Government

Correct article usage

The government

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should draw out some red zones and

then

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monitor these areas' online activity to find anything suspicious happening over there. Blindly focusing on everyone's life will create a huge problem.

badarwasef.2k14Fri Feb 07 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Consider rephrasing the opening sentence to make it clearer and more concise. For example, you could start with: 'The debate over whether governments should have access to individuals' mobile phone records for safety reasons has become increasingly prominent.'

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your supporting points are logically organized. Aim to clearly separate the arguments for and against government surveillance in distinct paragraphs and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.

task achievement

Using more specific examples or data can enhance your argument. For instance, referencing actual instances where monitoring has prevented crime might strengthen your viewpoint.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid sentence fragments or run-on sentences. Ensure that your sentences are complete and clearly express your thoughts, providing a smoother reading experience.

task achievement

You provide a clear opinion in your introduction and restate it effectively in the conclusion, which helps to convey your stance throughout the essay.

task achievement

You manage to present both sides of the argument, showing that you understand the complexity of the issue, which is essential in a discussion essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people are busy with work and do not have enough time to spend with family and friends. Why does this happen? What are the effects of this on family life and society as a whole?

Some people believe that the internet has positive effect , others think that It has negative trends .Discuss both views and give your opinion .