IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In modern times, because of the development of the Internet, we can easily expose ourselves to numerous
people
Use synonyms
 online. We can be an influencer in our rooms, workplaces and studios if we have
an electric devices
Correct the article-noun agreement
an electric device
electric devices
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 to make
videos
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 or
photoshots
Correct your spelling
photoshoots
photo shoots
. In my opinion, I strongly agree that we have to work a lot more to be famous these days for two reasons. On the one hand, we have too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 content to enjoy.
For example
Linking Words
, we have so many streaming services
such
Linking Words
 as Netflix, YouTube and HBO Max. These companies make content with enormous capital resources. Squid
game
Capitalize word
Game
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, which is a famous TV series from Netflix, spent more than 10 billion won to make
season
Fix the agreement mistake
seasons
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 2 and 3. In conclusion, individuals who want to be famous should make irreplaceable content to survive, which is extremely difficult.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 nowadays like provocative things
due to
Linking Words
 the saturated streaming industry. We've been using SNSs for decades, especially Gen Zs. Now
people
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 like short-form
videos
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 than long
videos
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, which prioritize viral moments and memes.
This
Linking Words
 trend suggests that fame can be more about timing and luck than exceptional skills.
Moreover
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, the criteria of talent
is
Change the verb form
are
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 still shifting through generations is
also
Linking Words
 one of the problems. To summarise, streaming and video services are now Red Ocean.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
people
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 now enjoy relatively shorter
videos
Use synonyms
 which give you more fun. TV series and movies from massive companies are more attractive to
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 because of the high quality compared to individual creators.

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task achievement
To improve clarity, consider including a more detailed introduction that clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas, such as 'however', 'in addition', or 'furthermore'.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to include more specific examples or further develop your arguments in order to strengthen them and demonstrate deeper analysis.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the challenges of gaining fame in today's content-saturated market, which is a relevant and interesting viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of contemporary media trends, such as the dominance of streaming services and the preference for short-form content.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratization
  • gatekeepers
  • leverage
  • loyal fanbase
  • self-promotion
  • networking
  • virality
  • consistency
  • niche interests
  • mainstream attention
  • exceptional talent
  • content creators
  • platform algorithm
  • audience engagement
  • monetization
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