IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Being risky is crucial for humans in both professional and personal
lives
Use synonyms
. But, despite some situations when
risks
Use synonyms
 are
Correct pronoun usage
worthy it
show examples
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, winning
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a lottery,
this
Linking Words
 essay explains that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 do not outweigh their drawbacks because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can destroy human
lives
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 almost every day take small
risks
Use synonyms
 that might be successful or not.
For example
Linking Words
, they buy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lottery ticket to check their luck for the
unsufficient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or order food in restaurants they have not tried yet. It
also
Linking Words
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 open new opportunities, like
ask
Wrong verb form
asking
show examples
 someone to date. If
risks
Use synonyms
 are
Correct pronoun usage
worthy it
show examples
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will bring happiness.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are situations where it is better not to risk at all, like playing in a casino. The enormous number of
people
Use synonyms
 lose and ruin their
lives
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 wasting all the
money
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 they have.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those gambling become more addicted and try to find
money
Use synonyms
 by taking credits from banks,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 their
lives
Use synonyms
 even worse.
Similarly
Linking Words
, some individuals quit their jobs, and, because of being too risky, they cannot find new
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 and suffer from their choices. It proves that some
risks
Use synonyms
 may lead to regret, even if it is not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 global risk. Even if there
lucky
Add a missing verb
are lucky
show examples
 moments where communities win and open new sides of their
lives
Use synonyms
, sometimes it is not worth
Correct article usage
the consiquences
show examples
consiquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 that can destroy everything you built. Life can be much easier, provided
people
Use synonyms
 stay away from unnecessary
risks
Use synonyms
 that do not bring a positive impact but suffer and distraction.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it can be strengthened by providing a brief outline of the points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, consider using linking phrases to connect your ideas.
task response
Expand on your ideas with more examples. While you have provided some examples, adding more specific situations or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and phrasing to enhance clarity. For example, 'consiquences' should be 'consequences'.
task response
You have a clear stance throughout the essay, which is important for task response.
task response
You show an understanding of both sides of taking risks, which adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: