It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
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What works well
2You have a clear stance throughout the essay, which is important for task response.
You show an understanding of both sides of taking risks, which adds depth to your discussion.
Improvement Suggestions
4Your introduction clearly states your position, but it can be strengthened by providing a brief outline of the points you will discuss in the essay.
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, consider using linking phrases to connect your ideas.
Expand on your ideas with more examples. While you have provided some examples, adding more specific situations or statistics could strengthen your argument.
Check for grammatical errors and phrasing to enhance clarity. For example, 'consiquences' should be 'consequences'.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general