IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Teamwork skills are very important for everyone, especially for kids. Some people think that the best way to
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 children
cooperate
Fix the infinitive
to cooperate
show examples
 is through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 at school. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 method is excellent for juniors. On the one hand, youngsters should gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 as
faster
Replace the word
fast
show examples
 as they can, and
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 can encourage
this
Linking Words
. One main reason is that minors
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 participate in activities that include collaborations are helping each other with challenges.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they progress together in reaching new heights,
such
Linking Words
 as a competition or any contest.
For example
Linking Words
, junior players of one
team
Use synonyms
 have a great understanding of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
, especially in competitions, where they are forced to help each other. Another reason is that
sports
Use synonyms
 include major skills that an adult
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be known.
As a result
Linking Words
, juniors playing
sports
Use synonyms
 that contain squads evolve side by side,
already
Correct word choice
and already
show examples
 have enough experience for a collective job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 at school
such
Linking Words
 as football or basketball develop the
understandings
Fix the agreement mistake
understanding
show examples
 of collectivity faster than without similar activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there can be unforeseen situations with a player,
while
Linking Words
 the rest of the
team
Use synonyms
 supports him.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the problem can be
solven
Correct your spelling
solved
 quicker, or at least the crowd will try to
moral
Change the adjective
morally
show examples
 support him.
For instance
Linking Words
, when any member turns out in the hospital, the whole
team
Use synonyms
 visits him for a piece of support. In conclusion, the best way to teach minors
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teamwork skills can be through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 in an educational institution, since they include many activities
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 every member can be involved
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by discussing potential drawbacks of teaching cooperation solely through sports.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain clear links between your arguments and examples to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to improve the overall sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear position that is consistent throughout, which helps to guide the reader's understanding.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly in explaining how teamwork is fostered in sports settings.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally well-organized, with distinct paragraphs that cover different aspects of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
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