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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

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In
this
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 busy and fast-paced world, it is believed by some doctors that because of
the
Change the word
their
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 busy
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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, folks do not do physical
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
. There are several reasons for
this
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 situation;
however
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, there are few measures to solve
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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. Several underlying reasons could be attributed
for
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to
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such
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 a phenomenon. The most predominant one is
that
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apply
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working
full-rime
Correct your spelling
full-time
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. To elaborate
further
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, a majority of
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 are working in terms of
fulfill
Change the verb form
fulfilling
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 the rudimentary needs
for
Change preposition
of
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 their family.
For instance
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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folks are doing jobs
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 day, it will be harder for them to get some time for doing gym as
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 day makes them mentally fragile.
Therefore
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, they are not
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 to do
anykind
Correct your spelling
any kind
 of activity which can
makes
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make
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 them tired. Apart from that, nowadays, an increasing number of
humankind's
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humans
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 are choosing sedentary
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 in terms of getting comfort which can make them lazy.
Nonetheless
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, it can be curbed by some appropriate preventive measures.
Firstly
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, the government can play a paramount role as they can spread awareness among citizens
theough
Correct your spelling
through
 organizing fitness campaigns. One good illustration is that, if more people
will
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apply
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know about the importance of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy livelihood they will start doing exercises.
Secondly
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, the authorities should have to utilize
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 amount of money for giving free fitness training which can be helpful for
the one
Correct your spelling
those
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 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not able to pay for the gym.
For example
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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folks
will
Verb problem
are
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 able to attend fitness
camp
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camps
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 for free, more and more people will participate which can ameliorate
the
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apply
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awareness.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 the aforementioned, it can be
finally
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 commented that there are ample causes of inactivity
such
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 as
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 schedule and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle.
However
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, the above-mentioned solutions,
such
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 as spreading awareness can solve the problem.

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language
Consider rephrasing 'folks' to 'people' for a more formal tone, and review spelling errors such as 'activities' and 'people'.
content
Provide more specific examples of fitness campaigns or gym initiatives to bolster your arguments and improve relevance.
coherence
Make sure to clearly connect each point back to the main topic to enhance coherence. For instance, explicitly explain how a sedentary lifestyle leads to inactivity in a clearer way.
content
The essay effectively identifies key issues related to physical inactivity and proposes relevant solutions.
organization
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urban environments
  • public spaces
  • streaming services
  • engage in physical activities
  • physical activities
  • dependency on cars
  • maintaining good health
  • awareness
  • motivational
  • urbanization
  • commitments
  • sedentary work life
  • technology
  • busy schedules
What to do next:
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