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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising influence people to buy things such as clothes and shoes. What are the problems caused by that? What solutions should be given

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Nowadays, media and other advertisements certainly, have a great impact on an individual's choice of buying things. The major issues are the addiction towards shopping in younger generations and compromise
in
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on
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 the
quality
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 of the product. The main concern because of the ads which are famous and ubiquitous is
the
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that
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 students are often keenly attracted to buy things and fashion standards nowadays are appealing.
Therefore
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, unnecessary wasting of money and time becomes more normal
due to
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 frequent online shopping.
In addition
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, the
quality
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 of the product is compromised heavily, in which the item bought and the one which is advertised is totally different in terms of qualitative measure. For
world-wide
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worldwide
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, In 2012, china exported baby toys which are made up of
low
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low-quality
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quality
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 plastic, which
is
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apply
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sold
world-wide
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worldwide
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, but it has created issues including injury. The manufacturer forgot to use baby-safe materials. To cope
up
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apply
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with the above issues, parents should teach students about standards and values to their children by letting them know the value of money.
Also
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, students should learn about saving money
instead
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 of spending it.
Moreover
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, the government should impose strict rules on some advertising agents regarding the originality of the product. Currently, there are an uncountable number of agencies available which accountable for their actions.
For instance
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, In 2015 Finland's cosmetic industry faced a fine of up to 1 million dollars
due to
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 a fraudulent ad, which showcased the
quality
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 is below average. In conclusion,
the
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apply
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advertising agents should be more focused on customer satisfaction and safety, than marketing strategies and financial growth. And
also
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, the individual should be more responsible for their act of buying products online consciously

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coherence
Consider providing a more defined introduction that outlines the main arguments discussed in your essay. This can help guide the reader and improve clarity.
coherence
In your conclusion, try to summarize the key points discussed and provide a final thought or suggestion on the topic. This can create a stronger ending for your essay.
task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, ensure that each point is elaborated upon with clear examples to add depth to your arguments. This can enhance the overall argument of your essay.
task achievement
You have identified relevant problems caused by advertising and provided solutions, showcasing good understanding of the topic.
coherence
The essay structure is mostly logical, with clear paragraphs that help the flow of ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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