IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

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People nowadays are very concerned with
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 mental health and
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the challenges that disrupt
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 balances and suggest effective solutions to address
successfully
Correct pronoun usage
them successfully
show examples
. The primary issues associated with the
work
Use synonyms
-life balance are the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 that humans have to
work
Use synonyms
 and how it will impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mental health.
For instance
Linking Words
, since the global financial crisis in 2008, the job market around the world has been increasingly competitive.
This
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mean
Change the verb form
means
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 that senior workers may get pushed by the younger generations who
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
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 to
work
Use synonyms
 for less pay and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
show examples
 up with enormous hours to catch up. The end
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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 is to
work
Use synonyms
 more
therefore
Linking Words
 eating away its private life. Once a person's leisure
time
Use synonyms
 is taken away,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of mental health problems arise.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who is overworked can suffer from excessive stress, depression, and obesity
as
Change preposition
due to
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 the lack of
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 exercise. The best way for individuals to combat being overworked and having their personal
time
Use synonyms
 is to
work
Use synonyms
 more efficiently. In
ideal
Add an article
an ideal
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 world, there would
ways
Add a missing verb
be ways
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 to alleviate that
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals but making the most of your
time
Use synonyms
 is the pragmatic solution.
For instance
Linking Words
, smartphones allow owners to get
work
Use synonyms
 done in what were previously wasted hours in the past. Sending emails, taking phone calls and using productivity apps
while
Linking Words
 commuting. Humans need to make choices to be less on social media but it is a small sacrifice to have some extra
time
Use synonyms
 to spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with loved
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. In conclusion, problems associated with poor
work
Use synonyms
-life balance
apparently
Add a missing verb
are apparently
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 because of
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 climate and the solution is to maximize
efficiently
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing to better capture the reader's interest.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly linked back to the question throughout the essay, enriching the overall argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more details and specific examples to support your ideas. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid using phrases like 'the end results is' and maintain subject-verb agreement for clearer expression. Consider reviewing basic grammatical structures.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing to say 'In an ideal world' instead of 'In ideal world'. Additionally, ensure your concluding sentence summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
The discussion of mental health impacts is very relevant and adds depth to the essay.
task achievement
The practical solutions suggested, such as utilizing technology to work more efficiently, demonstrate awareness of contemporary issues.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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