IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (suld as cell phone) or service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 cutting-throat technological era, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are buying more and more smartphones and availing healthcare
services
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. As per the statement, most masses consider
prices
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are
Wrong verb form
to be
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most
Correct article usage
the most
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 crucial thing when obtaining
services
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 and purchasing products like medical
services
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 and smartphones.
However
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, I partially agree with the statement and related ideas
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be perused in the forthcoming paragraphs
along with
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 the conclusion
at the end
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. The foremost thing in
this
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 materialistic era is money as most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people assume
the
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apply
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prices
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 as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 most significant factor when
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 want to buy something, no
matter
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they
Correct word choice
whether they
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 are going to purchase products
such
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 as mobile phones online or offline. To cite an example, tech-giant like Google, which is a prominent search engine and shares 75% of the searches throughout the globe, the majority of the masses search on Google like "Smartphones under 10000" which means consumers regard the
prices
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 of products the most significant when taking any decision to buy.
Therefore
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, the
prices
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 are
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important factor when buying commodities.
Nevertheless
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, When it comes to health, nothing matters more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health, no
matter
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it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is
price
Add an article
the price
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 of
services
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 availing medicinal facilities or anything else as several folks think
life
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 is most precious in the world of materialism.
For instance
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, when a person meets an accident, particularly in India, in a Punjabi community, a family becomes ready to save their near and dear one’s
life
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 at any cost, they even put the land on auction in order to save his
life
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.
Hence
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, in
this
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 context, cost does not
matter
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 when it is a
matter
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 of
life
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 and death. In conclusion,
although
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,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 or
prices
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 of items or
services
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matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
 a lot, the significance of other aspects cannot be neglected
such
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 as
life
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.
Thus
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, people should give priority to
prices
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 when it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 a situation of
life
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 or death so that
life
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 of loved
one’s
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ones
show examples
 can be saved.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, ensure that your thesis statement succinctly reflects both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your main body paragraphs contain relevant points but could use clearer topic sentences to enhance coherence. Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion of both sides. Try to include more examples or evidence for your points, especially on the importance of price.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-structured conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic and express your ideas with some relevant examples.
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