IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person’s nature.

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There is an argument regarding the main culprit of
crimes
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. Some
people
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 argue that big and small
crimes
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 happen
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty,
while
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the
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apply
show examples
others claim that it is
due to
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 their
personnel
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 nature.
However
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, I firmly believe that the main reason for committing
crimes
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 is a person’s personality and nature. Some
people
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 insist that when
people
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 are extremely poor and they are hungry, it is much easier to
thinkg
Correct your spelling
think
 about bad behaviours and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a higher likelihood of committing
crimes
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.
For example
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, imagine a young boy who has no parents to take care of him and has nothing to eat at all. These children are likely to
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
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 to a risk
such
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 as
steal
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stealing
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 something from others or from the store intentionally or unintentionally. Even if they are not in an extreme condition, the lack of money could intrigue someone to steal from others.
On the other hand
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, there are criminals who outskirt the laws for their interests or advantages even though they are not poor. In
this
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 regard, it is
more
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a more
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 persuasive idea that
crimes
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be happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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due to
Linking Words
 the feeling of jealousy or revenge not
due to
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 financial problems. Even though
,
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apply
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 it is true that there are ongoing debates about the main cause of crime, I believe it can happen with comprehensive reasons.
In addition
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, I support the idea that
personnel
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personal
show examples
 nature contributes to
commit
Change the verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
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 since not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor and financially disadvantaged
people
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 commit
crimes
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.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument and make sure it aligns with the points you discuss. This will strengthen your overall position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your points about poverty and personality are consistently balanced and linked throughout the essay for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for any spelling errors and grammatical issues, as these can detract from your clarity.
content
The essay presents differing viewpoints on the causes of crime, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
content
The examples provided give a human aspect to the argument, making it relatable to readers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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