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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the adventages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

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In modern life,
convenience
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foods
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 have become very popular because they help
people
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 keep up with their busy schedules. These
foods
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 are easy to find, quick to prepare, and often inexpensive. Many
people
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 are choosing
convenience
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foods
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 because they save
time
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, which is very important in today’s fast-paced world.
People
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 can eat on the go without spending much
time
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 cooking. One of the biggest advantages of
convenience
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foods
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 is
time
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-saving.
People
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 with busy jobs, students, or parents can quickly prepare a meal without spending a lot of
time
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 in the kitchen.
This
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 is very useful for those who have a lot of responsibilities.
Convenience
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foods
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also
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 help reduce stress, as they don’t require much effort to cook. Another advantage is that these
foods
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 are often easy to store and
last
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 a long
time
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, making them convenient to keep in the house.
However
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,
convenience
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foods
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also
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 have some disadvantages. One problem is that they may not be very healthy. Many
convenience
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foods
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 are high in fat, sugar, and salt, which can lead to health problems like obesity or heart disease if eaten too often.
Additionally
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, they may lack important vitamins and minerals that fresh food provides. In conclusion,
while
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convenience
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foods
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 offer many benefits like saving
time
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 and reducing stress, they
also
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 have disadvantages, especially regarding health. The advantages may outweigh the disadvantages for some
people
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, but it is important to eat
convenience
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foods
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 in moderation and balance them with healthier options.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples of convenience foods and perhaps a personal anecdote to make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your points more clearly, particularly between the advantages and disadvantages in your conclusion.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points well.
coherence
The organization of paragraphs is logical and follows a clear progression of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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