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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In current society, many people say
children
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 should be taught by
parents
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 how to be a useful citizen,
while
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 others debate schools are more efficient in
this
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 task. I believe domestic upbringing is more crucial in the child’s development, though schooling
also
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 has its own benefits and can connect with the
parents
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 to
further
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 educate them effectively. Admittedly,
parents
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 grow stronger bonds with their
children
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 as they are the ones raising them from when they were only a fetus. Because of
this
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,
children
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 are more likely to learn from their mom and dad, which
is
Verb problem
makes it
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 easier to modify their
children
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’s personalities
along with
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 decision-making abilities at a very early age.
Furthermore
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,
a
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apply
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one-on-one teaching is more impactful.
For example
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,comparing the current average size of a class in Vietnam
,
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apply
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ranges from 20 to nearly 40 students, which is quite challenging when it comes to identifying problems. But with the child and the
parents
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 alone, mistakes can easily be observed, assisting in figuring out a viable solution so that these
children
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 can contribute to society. Schools,
on the other hand
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, are still effective in some particular areas. As mentioned, the number of students in a single class creates difficulties in finding out the problems.
However
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, interpreting the knowledge regarding morals and promoting jobs, triggers the child’s curiosity which
thrives
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drives
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 them to figure out a suitable field in the future. With the assistance of their
parents
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, they can help navigate the capacity,
therefore
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 setting clear goals for them. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 play an irreplaceable role in the self-improvement of the
children
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’s lives in order to be useful individuals in society, schooling systems
also
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 allow the child to access great sources of knowledge which can later be used to fabricate and support their career.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This could help illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between your ideas. Using more linking words and phrases could enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the two viewpoints and states your opinion, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively discuss the roles of both parents and schools in a child's development, covering various aspects related to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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