IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research,business and the academic world.Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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These days, some
people
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 hold the view that schools should spend more time teaching some courses about history. But others support that,
science
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 and
technology
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 are more significant than history. In my opinion, I support the latter point. On the one hand, Through learning some historical stories,
people
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 can know how their nation developed,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 feel a sense of belonging and pride. It is a good way to promote young
people
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 who want to do something to help the
development
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 of our nation. addition,
People
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 can understand how things change through reading some documents, it is just like a stepping stone that can help
people
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 develop their critical thinking and analytical ability. All of these parts are beneficial to the
development
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 of our country.
In addition
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, as far as we all know,
science
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 and
technology
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 are the first productivity. It is one of the most important parts of
people
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's lives, and
people
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 can not live without it.
People
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 study more knowledge about
science
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 and
technology
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 in school, they can have more chances to explore something new that they did not notice before.
Also
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, it is a good method to improve
people
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's living qualities
,
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apply
show examples
 and make
people
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 have a more colourful life in the future. In my opinion, we should pay more attention to studying the
development
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 of
science
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 and
technology
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. It is because it is not only that
people
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 can use
science
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 and
technology
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 in all parts of their lives, but
also
Linking Words
people
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 can even promote living qualities with
science
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. In conclusion, students should be encouraged to study more and more knowledge of
science
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 and
technology
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, meanwhile, they should
also
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 forget the history of the country. It is only in
this
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 way
people
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 can promote the
development
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 of our nation, and make a better future.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both views, but it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments for history as well as clearer transition phrases between points.
Task Achievement
Some arguments regarding the importance of science and technology need further development with specific examples. Engaging more deeply with certain points, especially in stating how science improves living qualities, could enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion throughout the essay, and your introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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