IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People are annoyed or entertained by advertising but they are not affected by advertisements when making shopping decisions. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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People
Use synonyms
 may go through different feelings when seeing an ad on a television, whether feel engaged or irritated by them,
however
Linking Words
, it may not impact them when they want to purchase a good.
Although
Linking Words
 some individuals may be influenced by the hyperboles said about one purchase and be affected
while
Linking Words
 buying what they wish, I believe most
people
Use synonyms
 ignore advertisements
while
Linking Words
 buying. Critics of the viewpoint that
people
Use synonyms
 do not care about
ads
Use synonyms
 point out that advertisement makes buying enticing. In fact, when buyers search through sites and come across an item which is beneficial for them,
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may go for it. What matters for
people
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 making a shopping decision is its advantages, and as many experts are recruited by some companies to talk about their products positively,
people
Use synonyms
 might be affected and consider buying them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, offering discounts can motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to opt for some
items
Use synonyms
 that are advertised. A person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has seen an ad showing what he wishes with a 20 or 30% discount,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be affected,
thus
Linking Words
 taking it into consideration
while
Linking Words
 purchasing.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 try to buy
items
Use synonyms
 wisely and prioritize their needs. Indeed, a wide range of
people
Use synonyms
 go shopping
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but return with only one or two necessary
items
Use synonyms
. They have
foster
Change the verb form
fostered
show examples
 a sense that advertisements try to
pursue
Verb problem
persuade
show examples
 them to buy some unnecessary
items
Use synonyms
 that are actually unimportant and do not meet their needs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 bracket of
people
Use synonyms
 is of utmost importance for them
while
Linking Words
 making a shopping decision. The disposable
income
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 may discourage them to
be influence
Change the verb form
be influenced
show examples
 by some
ads
Use synonyms
 even though they may have a craving for them. A person with an
income
Use synonyms
 of three thousand dollars cannot typically buy
items
Use synonyms
 based on
ads
Use synonyms
 because of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 boundaries they have. Having spent their
income
Use synonyms
 on household or other important needs, they are left with minimum
income
Use synonyms
 and do not pay any attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
ads
Use synonyms
 for buying an item.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite the fact that many may be influenced by advertisements
while
Linking Words
want
Wrong verb form
wanting
show examples
 to buy
items
Use synonyms
, believing they could benefit them, I assert that
people
Use synonyms
 are more aware of their basic needs, and based
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their priority and
income
Use synonyms
 bracket, make authentic decisions.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Using transitions like 'furthermore', 'however', or 'in addition' can help to connect your ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance your points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. Clearly stating whether you fully agree, disagree, or have a nuanced opinion can give the reader a clearer understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and recognizes different perspectives regarding the impact of advertising.
task achievement
You successfully identified the importance of consumer choice influenced by needs and financial factors, showcasing critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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