Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Recently,
art
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has been a hot topic in modern
life
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.
While
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some
people
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believe that it is
art
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does not develop individual lives, others complain about the wasting of public money. I firmly support that
art
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of all kinds is beneficial more than anything else. In
this
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essay, I will support my view with examples.
To begin
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with, it is true that funds are essential for individuals to provide for their basic needs.
Thus
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,‏ if the government provided the necessary foundations for a decent
life
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for
people
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, they might remember that for
life
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.
However
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, there is already a plethora of services for individuals to use and they may feel embarrassed by the idea of not spending money on
art
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.
Additionally
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,
art
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has an important effect on
people
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's social. If
art
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disappears from communities, it could lead to the deterioration of their psychological state.
For example
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,
Although
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many governments provide the basic necessities of
life
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for citizens in their communities, the number of suicide rates continues to rise.
Therefore
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, increasing the promotion of spending public funds on basic needs is not a viable idea.
On the other hand
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, There is no doubt that
art
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has a significant impact on
people
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’s lives. Because of the improvement of
art
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, it is possible to find new talents in society.
For instance
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, many nations have citizens with rare talents who can represent their country in international forums.
Moreover
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, if some
people
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are excited about improving their
art
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, they can always visit the relevant institutions that provide counselling on musicians and
art
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galleries.
In addition
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, there are many artists with professional experience, so getting information about the arts has become easier than ever before. In conclusion,
Although
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there are some benefits to living a
life
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using traditional methods without musicians and visual
art
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, I wholeheartedly believe that developing the arts is more valuable than anything else. There are numerous ways to accomplish
this
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,
such
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as artists and visiting supported entertainment bodies.

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task achievement
Ensure your introductory sentence clearly states your position and gives a brief overview of your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your main points, ensuring they are relevant and specific.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, summarize your main arguments more emphatically to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position regarding the value of art.
task achievement
You have identified some significant points about the impact of art on society.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow between paragraphs.
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