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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Male smokers

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Male smokers
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The given bar chart illustrates the ratio of young
smokers
Use synonyms
 in seven countries. The study was conducted in two different
years
Use synonyms
, 2000 and 2015 respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that Armenia had the highest country who has young
smokers
Use synonyms
 in both respective
years
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Australia accounted for the least. It can be seen from the chart that Armenia had roughly 67% of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and after 15
years
Use synonyms
 the proportion fell to 51%.
However
Linking Words
, Australia had just under 30% in 2000 and markedly dropped to 29% in 2015. Eygpt
together with
Linking Words
 Lebanon shared a similar percentage
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 35% in
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
 year.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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rose to just under 50% and 43%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the study. Looking towards the rest of the information Cuba has a 2% difference between 2000 and 2015
years
Use synonyms
. 51% to grow 53% respectively. Bangladesh had the second highest smoker adult males in 2000 33% and decreased to 39%. Meanwhile, Mexico had 46% at the start of the survey and declined to 20% in the next notice period.
World
Correct article usage
The world
show examples
 had 43%
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 34% in 2015.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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