IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do , or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves?

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In today’s fast-paced world, many
families
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 rely on hiring
workers
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 to handle
household
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chores
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 and childcare.
This
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 trend is particularly common among professionals who have demanding careers and limited free time.
While
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 some argue that
people
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 should manage their own
household
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tasks
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, I strongly believe that hiring domestic
workers
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 is a great way to create job opportunities
while
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also
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 allowing
individuals
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 to focus on more important responsibilities. On one hand, paying others to handle
household
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chores
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 provides significant employment opportunities. Many
individuals
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, especially those without specialized degrees, rely on domestic work for a stable income.
Families
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 with demanding jobs,
such
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 as doctors or business owners, have busy schedules and can benefit greatly from hiring
workers
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 to help with cooking, cleaning, and childcare.
For example
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, a doctor treating dozens of patients daily may struggle to find time for
household
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tasks
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. By hiring a housekeeper, a nanny, or a gardener, they not only make their own lives easier but
also
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 support
workers
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 in need of employment.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue that
individuals
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 should take responsibility for their own
chores
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. They believe that doing
household
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tasks
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 fosters independence and discipline.
Additionally
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, hiring domestic
workers
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 can be expensive, making it an impractical choice for many
families
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.
However
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, for those with high-income careers, outsourcing housework allows them to spend more quality time with their
families
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instead
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 of being occupied with cleaning and cooking.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of spending hours on
household
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chores
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, parents could engage in meaningful activities with their children,
such
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 as helping with homework or playing games. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that
individuals
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 should manage their own
household
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tasks
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, I firmly believe that hiring domestic
workers
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 is a beneficial practice. It provides job opportunities for those in need
while
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 allowing professionals to focus on their careers and
families
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. As long as
people
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 can afford it, outsourcing
household
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tasks
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 is an efficient and practical solution.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that explicitly relates to the main argument of the essay. This will bolster the logical structure and support each main point more effectively.
task achievement
While your essay presents compelling arguments, incorporating more specific examples or statistics could further enhance the relevance and richness of your ideas. Try to provide examples from various socio-economic backgrounds to make your argument more comprehensive.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the counterargument more thoroughly to provide a balanced view. Engaging with opposing viewpoints more deeply can strengthen your argument and showcase your critical thinking skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear introduction and conclusion sections that summarize the main points effectively, showing strong coherence throughout.
task achievement
The arguments are logically developed, and the use of examples such as the situation of a busy doctor adds a personal touch that improves engagement with the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
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