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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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It is indeed a fact that the appropriate
age
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of
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for
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 learning a foreign dialect for children has been always much debated. Some people assert that tutees should be accustomed
with
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to
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 it in elementary school
instead
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 of high school.
This
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 phenomenon has multifarious benefits,
however
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, sometimes a couple of
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 emerge
due to
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 the same. The following paragraphs will cast a light on both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and the cons of learning
new
Add an article
a new
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language
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 during primary school.
On
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At
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 the onset, there are scores of reasons why
one
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 should start practicing
new
Correct article usage
a new
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language
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 at
such
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Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
an age
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.
One
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 of the most conspicuous
once
Correct your spelling
ones
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 is that children have an eidetic and impeccable grasping power at
this
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age
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. A study has proven that pupils from nursery to five years of
age
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 have a strong learning power
due to
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 a special development of their brain cells at
such
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age
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.
Thus
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, students will become proficient in
other
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another language
other languages
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language
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 in a very
less
Correct word choice
short
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 time.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the modernization several multinational companies are hiring people who are experts in more than
one
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accents
Fix the agreement mistake
accent
show examples
.
Hence
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, it will help bilinguals or multilinguals to have a promising future.
Conversely
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, some people
in general
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, in general,
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 tend to distinguish that making tutees perfect in other languages at
this
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 small
age
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 can have many consequences as well. To embellish, some scholars present a point that it can adversely affect their physical and mental growth because of the unnecessary pressure on their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. They can feel
pressurised
Verb problem
pressured
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due to
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 multiple responsibilities
such
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 as learning
native
Correct pronoun usage
their native
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language
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,
bearing
Correct word choice
and bearing
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 early schooling as they are not used to.
Besides
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, it can have a detrimental effect on their academic performance.
As
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Instead
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instead
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 of concentrating on academic subjects like mathematics and science, they will waste their time on educating external speech. In the view of arguments outlined above
one
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 can assertively conclude that
albeit
Change preposition
although
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 teaching external dialect to adolescents
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many drawbacks, still it has multiple benefits as it is not only lucrative for their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 but
also
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 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.

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task response
Try to make the introduction clearer by explicitly stating the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words more consistently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the disadvantages section.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction of the topic; it sets the stage for further discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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