IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In recent years, travelling around the world has been a very common practice among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, a significant increase has been seen in global air travel. There are a few reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think
this
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 happens which in my view is a wonderful thing.
Firstly
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, one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 lower cost
in
Change preposition
of
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 plane tickets. There has been
an
Remove the article
apply
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exceptional growth in
airlines
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airline
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 companies specifically in the budget ones which
offered
Wrong verb form
offer
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low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
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 flights.
This
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 results in more affordable holiday expenses.
Furthermore
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, sometimes the domestic prices
has
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have
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 only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
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 difference
than
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from
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 the international ones so that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 perceptions in
people
Use synonyms
 that having
holiday
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a holiday
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 in another country seems more intriguing.
This
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is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact so all
of
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apply
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kinds of
people
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, not only the rich ones, can have
Correct article usage
the experiences
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 of visiting many countries.
Secondly
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, technology
make
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makes
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 it easier to get information.
People
Use synonyms
 are not afraid anymore of not knowing what to do or getting lost in some unknown place. They can easily
browsed
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browse
be browsed
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 what they need
from
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on
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 the internet.
In addition
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,
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
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 who take photos and videos
while
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 they travel and share
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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in
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on
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 social media may
also
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 become
source
Add an article
a source
the source
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 of information even more so an
advertising
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advertisement
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 of the place they visit.
As a result
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, it encourages others to copy them and
also
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gone
Wrong verb form
go
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to
Change preposition
on
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 vacation and visit the country. In conclusion, there are a number of reasons for the increase in air travel globally.
People
Use synonyms
 are flying because it is cheap and easier than in the past. I believe it is a positive thing.

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Language
Make sure to capitalize 'I' throughout the essay. It shows attention to detail and professionalism in writing.
Language
Rephrase specific sentences to clarify your points more effectively. For example, 'one of the reason is' should be 'one reason is' and 'the domestic prices has' should be 'the domestic prices have'.
Task Achievement
Provide additional examples or evidence to support your main ideas. This could enhance your argument and make it more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have displayed a thoughtful understanding of the reasons behind the increase in air travel, which is a good start.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as budget airlines and social media's influence, shows some relevant real-world connections.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
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