IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion (Truc Linh)

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With individuals who care about
health
Use synonyms
, two different views bring non-stop debate.Others believe
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
show examples
 is one of the best choices to maintain
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 physique,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 sports,
yoga
Correct word choice
and yoga
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some people say
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 has a stronger effect.Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraph before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion.
Overall
Linking Words
,both
exercise
Use synonyms
 and a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 are important factors in a healthy lifestyle,each contributing to the different aspects of
health
Use synonyms
. First of all, a workout is the appropriate choice to improve resistance.For food,there are 5 main types of nutrition that each individual
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 complete respectively carbohydrates,protein,fat,micronutrients and fiber.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
show examples
 we spend a little time
to take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 care of a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 that can help life develop in a positive direction.
For example
Linking Words
, The full supply of vitamins and minerals can prevent disease or infection.
In contrast
Linking Words
,there are some people who say eating cannot control
health
Use synonyms
 by physical activity. They show
exercise
Use synonyms
 helps improve heart
health
Use synonyms
, strengthen muscles and bones,and reduce stress. It
also
Linking Words
 helps maintain a healthy weight and provides energy for the
body
Use synonyms
.Some people think that no matter how much they eat, exercising can still help maintain a stable weight.But in my opinion,both activities and eating always come together to get the most effective for
health
Use synonyms
.
Exercise
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 helps the
body
Use synonyms
 to be healthy,
while
Linking Words
diet
Use synonyms
 helps to provide energy and nutrients for the
body
Use synonyms
. In short, in order to have good
health
Use synonyms
, we need to
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly and eat balanced. Both are important and support each other to help the
body
Use synonyms
 stay healthy.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly, using paragraphs effectively to separate different points of view and personal opinions.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence variety and grammar to enhance readability and engagement for the reader.
task achievement
You addressed both views relating to exercise and diet well, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of both exercise and a balanced diet.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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