IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working teams solving problems instead of traditional academics

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most individuals believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 should specialize in
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as working as a team,
tackling
Correct word choice
and tackling
show examples
 problems rather than traditional academics.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore
this
Linking Words
 statement and explain why I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. There are some people who think that
schools
Use synonyms
 should teach pupils
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of academic subjects.
Because they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 consider studying
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 like communication,
financial
Correct word choice
and financial
show examples
 management at an early age can help them in the next
life
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 most academic subjects are not being used in real
life
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 they are regarded as important
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
schools
Use synonyms
 teach youngsters budgeting, cooking, and time management, they will help them grow independently and responsibly.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child who has received a proper education from
schools
Use synonyms
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not have difficulty finding his own way in any area, whether it is personal or professional, allowing him to navigate
life
Use synonyms
 more confidently and efficiently. I suppose that emotional intelligence and resilience are crucial for success in any field.
Because
Correct word choice
Life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 isn't easy and any job requires a lot of patience and
gist
Correct article usage
a gist
show examples
 of adjustment.
In addition
Linking Words
, teamwork and leadership are the keys to being successful. As I think you will not be successful no matter how intelligent you are if you don't know how to work with a team and convince them that you can lead them to success. That’s why it is important to educate them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 essential gifts to achieve gains and help them excel. In conclusion, many believe
schools
Use synonyms
 should focus more on practical
skills
Use synonyms
 like working in a team and being independent. I
also
Linking Words
 entirely support
this
Linking Words
 idea because these
skills
Use synonyms
 are essential to survive in
this
Linking Words
 real world, making individuals more competent and prepared for future challenges.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly outline your main points. This will help the reader understand the direction of your essay better.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, make sure to clearly connect them back to your main argument to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This will demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion which is thoroughly argued, showing strong engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which gives a sense of closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prioritize
  • Life skills
  • Traditional academics
  • Teamwork
  • Problem-solving
  • Holistic education
  • Real-world challenges
  • Soft skills
  • Intellectual growth
  • Balanced education
  • Comprehensive skill set
  • Core subjects
  • Vocational training
What to do next:
Look at other essays: