IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that some artists earn more
money
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,
whereas
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 others struggle to survive and governments should take measures to help these kinds of people. I agree with the above statement and will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs with relevant examples. Several factors play an important role when it comes to the huge earnings of an
artist
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,
such
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 as their skill, looks, qualifications, their works and
last
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 but not least is nepotism, which is a very debatable concept nowadays. A plethora of youngsters become an
artist
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 with a dream of huge
money
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, name, and fame,
however
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, the disappointment comes when their juniors go on to the next level
due to
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 references and fortune.
Hence
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, it creates an unbalanced situation for the common person, who struggles for bread and butter, and to afford the references or billions of dollars is burdensome for them. That's why an administration should take the initiative so every
artist
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 can have an opportunity to make equal
money
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.
In addition
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, making movies, creating designs, paintings, singing songs, and doing anything that belongs to the
artist
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, demands huge responsibility, work, and time.
Moreover
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, nobody can create creativity free of cost,
hence
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, everyone deserves the same earnings and opportunities.
As a result
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, the government should set up basic salaries for the artists, so that everyone can enjoy the basic bread and butter
along with
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 their passions.
To conclude
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, artistry can be passion, skill, or god's gift, every creator deserves equality of opportunity,
money
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, and fame, and
nepotist
Correct your spelling
nepotism
show examples
 should be neglected.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your points are well-supported with clear explanations and examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve the overall logical flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider refining your language to enhance clarity and precision in your expressions, particularly concerning your arguments.
Content
You effectively introduced the topic and presented your viewpoint clearly in the introduction.
Content
Your conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates your position well, providing a satisfying end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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