IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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A number of individuals
argues
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argue
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 that the extinction of specific creatures is the critical issue that we face today,
However
Linking Words
, others assume that various crucial environmental
problems
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 should be prioritised. From my perspective, I totally agree with the second view and
this
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 essay will delve into each aspect of the debate. To Commence with the initial view,
Species
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 that are in danger are the types of creatures which contribute to environmental biodiversity. The disappearance of these
species
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 can result in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 imbalance of environmental circulation.
Moreover
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, the disappearance of specific plants can pose various threats to the world which cause climate change and increase in pollution.
For example
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, a headline in The USA revealed that with the gradual loss of the Amazon forest, a considerable number of floods appear which is
due to
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 causative factors stemming from deforestation.
Therefore
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, It is crucial to protect these particular
species
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. Shifting towards the final view, A
well rounded
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well-rounded
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 approach should be applied to
the
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apply
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all environmental issues. Those
problems
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 which can be mentioned
such
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 as climate change or increasing population growth are the main reasons for putting environmental habitats on the verge of vanishing. With the continuing increase of the population more habitats are destroyed, catering demand for the settlement of humanity.
Apart from
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this
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, Untreated waste from factories can lead to water pollution which harms various aquatic animals,and indirectly
causing
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causes
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 many health
problems
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.
For instance
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, The headline in the Indian newspaper shows that the majority of people's health is affected because of untreated waste.
As a result
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, it shows that it is most important to tackle these
problems
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 as it affects human health.
To conclude
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,
Although
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 the disappearance of these
species
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 can result in the imbalance of environmental biodiversity,
yet
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apply
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I believe
comprehensive
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the comprehensive
a comprehensive
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 focus on all these
problems
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 is superior to concentrating merely on plants and animals.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, better linking phrases can help the reader understand how your points connect to each other.
task achievement
While you addressed both views, make sure to develop your supporting points more thoroughly to enhance your argument.
task achievement
Expand your conclusion to restate your argument in a more impactful way, summarizing the main points discussed throughout the essay.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument and clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the Amazon forest and health effects from untreated waste, adds depth to your argument.
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