IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In many places around the world, museums and historical
sites
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 suffer from the lack of local
visitors
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. Most
people
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 to
visit
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 them are outsiders; tourists who want to see more about the world. Some
people
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 may assume that local
people
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 do not care about their own history because of
this
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.
However
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, I do believe that the reason does not lie behind the boredom of repeating the same story over and over but merely lies in the lack of attractive activities around the
sites
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. Local
people
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 do make a
visit
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 once or twice to their local museums.
This
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 is shown
for example
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 on how Indonesians do it every time nearing the end of their graduation from elementary school and high school. The term "study tour" is used to describe
such
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 phenomena.
However
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, the intensity does not build up. Barely anyone wants to
visit
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 the same historical
sites
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 twice, as almost nothing has changed by comparing it to their previous
visit
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. There are some ways to keep attracting local
visitors
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, at least by reflecting
from
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on
show examples
 the experience of Rotterdam Fort of Makassar, Indonesia. One of the ways is by making the supporting structures and facilities photogenic.
This
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 attracts younger
people
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 who want to have an
instagrammable
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Instagrammable
show examples
 profile picture.
Second,
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having a specific space for local communities can group up. In Rotterdam Fort, an English community actively conducts their meetings every weekend, ensuring weekly fixed
visitors
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.
Lastly
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, the historical area can
also
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 be used for performances. Rumata Artspace chooses Fort Rotterdam for
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 annual event,
Makassar
Correct article usage
the Makassar
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 Indonesian Writers Festival (MIWF).
This
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 event does not only attract local
visitors
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 comprised of local students and book nerds
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 many new
visitors
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 from the surrounding cities of Makassar. In conclusion, the rare
visit
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 to museums and historical
sites
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 is mainly caused by the lack of innovations from the developers and
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
. These innovations can be in the form of providing photogenic spots, weekly community-based activities, and big annual events in or around the
sites
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.

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task achievement
Expand on ideas with more examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to enhance the flow of your writing.
task achievement
The use of specific examples from personal knowledge adds depth to your response.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist attractions
  • interactive exhibits
  • perception
  • civic pride
  • engagement
  • community outreach
  • curate
  • cultural institutions
  • historical significance
  • sustainable tourism
  • resident benefits
  • local patronage
  • preserve
  • educational initiatives
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