IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The
competition
Capitalize word
Competition
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 at work, at school and
daily
Change preposition
in daily
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life
Add the comma(s)
life,
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 bring success,
self-confident
Replace the word
self-confidence
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 and endurance with itself. But
others
Use synonyms
 think that the key
of
Change preposition
to
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 the best is
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
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 to cooperate with each other.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it will
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 about
importance
Replace the word
important
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 level of rivalry in different positions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life,
then
Linking Words
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of working together will come on the next view and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
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 it will
be concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
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 with my own perspective.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the desire to be the best one
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a competitor in people's inner world. So, people always try to be the best and put in a lot of effort.
For example
Linking Words
, whether it is at work, in school or in areas that require special abilities, the best way to motivate yourself is to constantly compete with
others
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
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, if we consider the life of the famous soccer star Ronaldo, he always tried to be the best and was always in a state of competition with
others
Use synonyms
,
as a result
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, Ronaldo is the most famous soccer player for scoring the most goals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes collaboration can help to complete work faster or more comfortably, especially in private companies or organizations with teamwork.
In addition
Linking Words
, collaboration helps to meet new people and gain new knowledge.
For example
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, 30,000 students were involved in the COP29 event held in Baku, the capital of Azerbaijan, in November 2024. The collaboration that was created turned into a successful outcome.
To sum up
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, both competing and collaborating with
others
Use synonyms
 leads to success. But I strongly believe that the best success comes after a person has struggled with
others
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity in your argument; try to clearly distinguish between the two viewpoints in a more structured way.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points, especially regarding the benefits of cooperation.
task achievement
You introduce the topic clearly, and your overall aim is evident throughout the essay.
task achievement
You effectively mentioned a well-known example (Ronaldo) to support your competition argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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