IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

«Prevention is better than cure». Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest into preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

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Yes, it is always better to prevent diseases
instead
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 of curing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of medicines.
Moreover
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, it is too expensive to cure the disease so it's better to reduce it through prevention techniques.
This
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 essay will discuss why I completely agree with
this
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 statement and explain how to prevent it
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some ways.
Firstly
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, maintaining a proper diet and eating nutritious food will help us to be fit and healthy.
whereas
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, eating junk will lead to
suffer
Change the verb form
suffering
show examples
 from obesity and digestive problems.
Secondly
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, we can prevent muscle pains through exercise each day not only by curing it with a treatment. so, staying fit will help us in improving heart
health
Use synonyms
, bone power, and muscle strength.
For example
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,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 believe in
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 and wisdom by consuming healthy foods and exercising daily,
this
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 made them the longest-living country by becoming
centurians
Correct your spelling
centuries
.
Conversely
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, we can prevent our mental
health
Use synonyms
 through
meditation
Use synonyms
 by practising mindfulness and yoga, which help us to cure stress, depression and anxiety.
In addition
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, it helps us to build concentration
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to
Verb problem
apply
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stay calm and bring us peace.
Hence
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, mental
health
Use synonyms
 can
also
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be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
 by doing
meditation
Use synonyms
instead
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curing
Correct word choice
of curing
show examples
 it with a therapist.
For instance
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, In 1998,
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 golden medal in archery was won by a seventeen-year-old woman, when asked about her win, she said that doing
meditation
Use synonyms
 for two hours each day helped her to gain more concentration, which helped to stay on the target.
To sum up
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, it is not always necessary to consult a doctor or a therapist by spending excessive money whenever we
attack
Wrong verb form
are attacked
show examples
 with a
health
Use synonyms
 problem or a disease. we can prevent it through maintaining a healthy diet, exercising and
meditation
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. A thesis statement can help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to indicate what the paragraph will discuss. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using unclear or incorrect conjunctions (e.g., ‘whereas’ should start a contrasting clause). Ensure that sentences flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The essay presents a relevant and clear opinion on the topic, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You provided examples of both physical and mental health strategies, which demonstrates a well-rounded discussion of the topic.
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