IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that parents whose children are breaking the law must be punished in some way. to what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is believed by some people that
parents
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 should be given some sort of punishment by the court if their children do not obey the laws.
While
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this
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 can be beneficial in some
cases
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, I do not fully agree that
this
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 would be ideal for each case. It would rather be good if it depends on the types of
cases
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 or
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 the
child
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 has committed.
Firstly
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, if a
parent
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 is blamed for the behaviour their son or daughter has made, it can create a psychological effect on the
child
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's mind, and they would
take
Verb problem
apply
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be more considerate of their actions.
This
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 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases
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, they would think ' If I committed a
crime
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, not only me but my
parents
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 would
also
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 be punished' , and it creates a sense of fear
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that will create
less
Fix the agreement mistake
lower
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crime
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 rates.
Secondly
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, the
parents
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 will always teach them, practically
as well as
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 emotionally
on
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apply
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how to be a good citizen in order to make sure the family is not harmed by any means.
On the other hand
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, it is not fair for the
parents
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 to be blamed because there have been many
cases
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 where the upbringing of the
child
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 has been great but
due to
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 other circumstances like drug abuse or
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 group of friends, they commit some serious crimes like murder or physical abuse, rapes. Sometimes, if a
child
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 is living abroad, the mom or dad does not even have a clue
on
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about
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 what is going on in their
child
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's life. So, it is crucial to consider different factors like the severity of the
crime
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 they committed. I personally do not think it is good to punish the
parent
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 because it is an individual's responsibility
on
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apply
show examples
how
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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take their actions. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of juvenile
crime
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, we already have good laws to protect them
while
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 making sure to provide justice to the victims as well.
To conclude
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,
their
Replace the word
there
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 are pros and cons of providing
punsihments
Correct your spelling
punishments
punishment
 to a
child
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's
parent
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, but it would be best if we do not do it, as it might not be fair for every
parent
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 to be blamed for their
child
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's action.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Add more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is a strong start and indicates a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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