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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important as other subjects to a child’s development, and they should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many people think that
Use synonyms
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and
craft
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crafts
show examples
 classes like painting,drawing and so on
plays
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play
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 a vital role in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 life in terms of their development which
results
Verb problem
means
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 it should be compulsory during
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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high school period.Well!
i
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I
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 completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I will
further
Linking Words
 elucidate my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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.
Body paragraph 1
Art
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 and craft education helps children to develop their mental ability and helps them to keep
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in different
activity
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activities
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 in place of studies so that they can keep their
mind
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minds
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stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
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 and fresh . Various artistic workshops may help pupils to increase
concentration
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their concentration
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level
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levels
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 and let them
to
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apply
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be more focused.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
coginitive
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cognitive
skills
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 if included in their subjects motivate
childrens
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children
show examples
 to develop their artistic
skills
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 which is essential to
become
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becoming
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 future artists
in
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on
show examples
varioous
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various
different
Correct word choice
apply
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platforms.Research said that having
artitechtural
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architectural
skills
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 helps youngsters to get
great
Add an article
a great
the great
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 platform and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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and
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an
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 ease to get name fame and money.
Body paragraph 3
lastly
Linking Words
, collaborative
skills
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 like
art
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 performances
helps
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help
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 pupils to generate their interpersonal
skills
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,
team work
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teamwork
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 and even they can share their feelings with the help of
art
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 which somewhere few kids
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 be able to share
as
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of
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 their shy and reserved nature.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
art
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 and music as a
complersory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 subject
plays
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play
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 a crucial role in the development of
children
Change noun form
children's
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 intellectual
skills
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as well as
Linking Words
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 their personality in society .Best way to perform best and achieve success during studies.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to use clearer language and avoid informal phrases like 'Well!'. This could enhance the academic tone of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the main argument. Using topic sentences can help readers follow your ideas easily.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your arguments, such as referencing studies or statistics related to art education.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'plays' should be 'play', 'child's' should have an apostrophe, 'artitechtural' should be 'architectural'). Proofreading your essay can help eliminate these small errors.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance on the importance of art classes in your introduction, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion on the necessity of art education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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