IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important as other subjects to a child’s development, and they should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people think that
Use synonyms
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 classes like painting,drawing and so on
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital role in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 life in terms of their development which
results
Verb problem
means
show examples
 it should be compulsory during
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school period.Well!
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I will
further
Linking Words
 elucidate my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
.
Art
Use synonyms
 and craft education helps children to develop their mental ability and helps them to keep
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in different
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 in place of studies so that they can keep their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 and fresh . Various artistic workshops may help pupils to increase
concentration
Correct pronoun usage
their concentration
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be more focused.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
coginitive
Correct your spelling
cognitive
skills
Use synonyms
 if included in their subjects motivate
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to develop their artistic
skills
Use synonyms
 which is essential to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 future artists
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
varioous
Correct your spelling
various
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
platforms.Research said that having
artitechtural
Correct your spelling
architectural
skills
Use synonyms
 helps youngsters to get
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
 platform and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 ease to get name fame and money.
lastly
Linking Words
, collaborative
skills
Use synonyms
 like
art
Use synonyms
 performances
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 pupils to generate their interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and even they can share their feelings with the help of
art
Use synonyms
 which somewhere few kids
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be able to share
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their shy and reserved nature.
To conclude
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
art
Use synonyms
 and music as a
complersory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 subject
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a crucial role in the development of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 intellectual
skills
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 their personality in society .Best way to perform best and achieve success during studies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to use clearer language and avoid informal phrases like 'Well!'. This could enhance the academic tone of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the main argument. Using topic sentences can help readers follow your ideas easily.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your arguments, such as referencing studies or statistics related to art education.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'plays' should be 'play', 'child's' should have an apostrophe, 'artitechtural' should be 'architectural'). Proofreading your essay can help eliminate these small errors.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance on the importance of art classes in your introduction, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion on the necessity of art education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: