IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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In recent years, privatisation in the
health
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 sector has become an integral part of modern life, bringing both benefits and challenges.
While
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 some argue that the amount of well-being is a basic necessity that offers numerous advantages, others believe it creates significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. One major advantage of raising the
cost
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 of medical treatment is that it enhances new innovations in
health
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 care, leading to significantly improved impacts of several new treatments and medications on patients.
For instance
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, the United States is competing by investing enormous amounts in the medical field, which allows individuals to have better
health
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, making everyday tasks more efficient. Another significant benefit is the increased hospital
services
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 where doctors are providing their
services
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 throughout the day, which contributes to economic development by providing better opportunities in every work field.
As a result
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, many people experience improved
health
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, improving their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, the rising
cost
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 of
health
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 care
also
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is neglecting overseas patients, which can lead to severe
health
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 outcomes.
For example
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, the increasing
cost
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 of hospital admissions has resulted in getting discharged from the hospital quickly, negatively impacting the patient's
health
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. Another disadvantage is decreased access to hospital
services
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, as it may cause a financial burden on families, creating long-term problems for patients who need diagnosis
services
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, as they need to wait for a longer time period to get treatment. These issues highlight the need to reduce medical costs to minimize negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 the increasing
cost
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 of medical
services
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 offers significant advantages
such
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 as innovation and increased
services
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, its drawbacks, including longer waiting periods and early discharge from hospital
due to
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 financial restrictions, should not be ignored. To maximize benefits
while
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 reducing harm, individuals and policymakers should adopt a balanced approach. Ultimately, careful management of medical
services
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 is essential to ensure sustainable progress.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on the drawbacks to provide a more balanced view.
coherence
Ensure a clearer linkage between points to enhance overall coherence.
positive
The essay presents a clear introduction outlining both perspectives on health service privatization.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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