IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Now adays the population of young people is more than old people in the countries. And it benefit us To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, in many countries, the population of young
people
Use synonyms
 is higher than old
people
Use synonyms
, and it is beneficial for us. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because young
people
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 can contribute to the
economy
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 through their
work
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, and they can
also
Linking Words
 take care of old
people
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 and
children
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 if they are responsible. Young
people
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 strengthen the
economy
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 of a
country
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 with their hard
work
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. If a
country
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 has more young
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 than older adults, it can utilize the young population to develop its
economy
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. If young
people
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 are provided with adequate employment opportunities and training to build their skills, they
work
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 efficiently and strengthen the
economy
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, the proportion of young
people
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 is higher than old
people
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. The government effectively utilizes
this
Linking Words
 percentage of the population
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and creates enough employment opportunities for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the net GDP of the
country
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 increases every year.
In addition
Linking Words
, if a nation has more young adults than
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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 can take good care of old
people
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 and
children
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. If young
people
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 of a
country
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 possess
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 accountabilities towards their parents,
children
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 and others in their
communities
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, they will ensure
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 and safety of their families and
communities
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK, the young generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 responsible for taking proper care of their parents,
children
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 and other elderlies in their
communities
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.
This
Linking Words
 secures good health and safety of old
people
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 and
children
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 in the
country
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. In conclusion, I fully agree with the statement that if a nation has more young
people
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 than old
people
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,
this
Linking Words
 is useful. Young
people
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 can look after old
people
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 and
children
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 in their families and
communities
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, and they can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to the
economy
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 by their
work
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, some sentences could be more concise. Try to eliminate any unnecessary words for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. This can also make your ideas flow better.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more examples related to various countries to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the issue, and the conclusion reinforces your main argument effectively.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your points about the economic contribution of young people and their role in family care.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic shift
  • Dynamic workforce
  • Economic growth
  • Innovation
  • Adaptable culture
  • Technological advancements
  • Educational systems
  • Quality education
  • Competition for jobs
  • Professional development
  • Healthcare systems
  • Public spending
  • Cultural shifts
  • Progressive attitudes
  • Social issues
  • Intergenerational tension
  • Policy changes
  • Entrepreneurial spirit
  • Economic diversity
  • Dependency ratio
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