IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are desirous of improving the state of your local area for the youth. Write a letter to the editor of a community magazine with ideas for how this could be done. In your letter, write how the number of leisure facilities available can be increased explain how these would benefit the area suggest some possible ways by which young people can be involved

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 intention
to elevate
Change preposition
of elevating
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 the standards of Glen Waverley
council
Capitalize word
Council
show examples
 for the youth which has been a major concern over the past few years.
First,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of facilities within the recreational area could be increased by introducing a card system which allows people to pay or buy a subscription service for a certain amount of activities.
As a result
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,
this
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 could improve the funds for the council to facilitate more number of available facilities. As an example, more of the younger generation would have the benefit of increasing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 physical fitness including mental health by engaging in different events for a lesser amount of money spent on a monthly basis.
However
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,
this
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 could result in decreasing health issues arising within our local government.
Furthermore
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, campaigns to raise awareness about the new program can be introduced among the registered societies, having highlighted all the beneficial components that everyone gets once
this
Linking Words
 is launched. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Deeshan.

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task response
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Consider discussing how different leisure facilities could cater to varying interests of young people.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the flow between ideas and paragraphs is smooth. Using linking words can improve coherence and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is appropriate and friendly, making it suitable for a community magazine.
task achievement
You have expressed a clear intention to improve the local area for youth, which is a good starting point for your ideas.
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