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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking in five Australian cities.

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking in five Australian cities.
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The bar chart depicts the outcome of the research about the habits of Australian
people
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
while
Linking Words
 nearly most of the
people
Use synonyms
 went to café to have beverages in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks, almost a few
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who used to go to café and drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 were 61% compared to the highest proportion of individuals in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 which accounted for approximately 63% simultaneously.
This
Linking Words
 figure decreased dramatically to 55% in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and 49% in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
. Some bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in nearly the
last
Linking Words
 month making up a little under 44% in
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend mitigated in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 nearly at 43%,
as well as
Linking Words
 34% in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
. But it rose considerably at roughly 38% in
Hobart
Use synonyms
. Most of the
people
Use synonyms
 in
Hobart
Use synonyms
 drank fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks (54%).
In addition
Linking Words
, the second place was occupied by
Brisbane
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 (52%). The other cities like
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 alleviated gradually- 50%, 47% and 45% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sydney, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, hobart, coffee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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