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Band 7.5

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that educating children is becoming more difficult
due to
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 the use of technology. I agree with
this
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 notion, and
this
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 essay explores all the possible reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. First of all,
due to
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 the high demand for mechanisms, the majority of schools prefer to utilize gadgets
such
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 as tablets, laptops, and, cellphones, as, not only does it deliver information very quickly
such
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 as study notes, assignments, and, assessment exam sheets, but it
also
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 helps the educators to track the progress of students, by checking the tasks they have accomplished.
However
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, many pupils misuse their phones to entertain themselves by playing online games, watching YouTube videos, and, making reels on Instagram for their publicity. In simple words,
along with
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 studying they easily get distracted with unnecessary social things, which are not meant for them. I exemplify my child, who prefers to play Candy Crush more than complete his tasks, that's why I have put restrictions on his screen time, so he cannot use his device for more than 2 hours.
On the other hand
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, technology was not very available in the past, all the lectures were used to be driven by the class blackboard, and verbally by tutees, and, the progress of scholars was used to track by examining them in class tests. At that time everyone was unaware of social media, youngsters used to play physical activities
such
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 as Football.
As a result
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, there was nothing to divert their mind, and, it was to coach juveniles in the past years for teachers and parents. The University of the United States researched education for the
last
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 20 years and concluded that 80 students out of 100, are losing their studies because they are more into social media.
To conclude
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, a distraction from the studies
due to
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 technology is a considerable point and its demerits should not be neglected, both parents and teachers should take measures to overcome
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your claims, particularly regarding the impact of technology on education.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your grammar and punctuation, especially regarding comma usage, to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and present your agreement with the statement confidently.
task achievement
Your examples from personal experience help illustrate your points effectively, adding a personal touch to your essay.
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