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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
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The bar charts display which programs UK
graduates
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 and
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postgraduates
Fix the agreement mistake
postgraduate
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 pupils attended after University in 2008. These programs were categorized into four sources: part-time
work
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, voluntary
work
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,
further
Linking Words
 study and unemployment.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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,
further
Linking Words
 study
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 had the highest number of students,
whereas
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
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 had the lowest value of members. In
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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, after finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college in 2008,
voluntary
Correct article usage
the voluntary
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 scheme was the lowest, with 3,500 and 345 people, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
project
Correct article usage
the project
show examples
 related to
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
the further
show examples
 study plan was
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 superior, peaking at 29,665 pupils in
graduates
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 and at 2,725 students in
postgraduates
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 compared with other programs. It is evident that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
there was
down
Rephrase
a downward
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 trend
by
Change preposition
of
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 approximately ten times in both
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 between
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it was obviously
reprensented
Correct your spelling
represented
 that part-time
work
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 had the second largest number of learners
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 17,735
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduates
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.
This
Linking Words
 figure followed
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 trend similar to the previous ones and depicted
Correct article usage
a sharply
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sharply
Change the word
sharp
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 decrease with just 2,535
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduates
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. Unemployment had 16,235
participant
Change to a plural noun
participants
show examples
 in
graduates
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it had only 1,625 value, which was about ten times lower, in aftergraduates. It is noticeable that more
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 part-time than unemployment.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, postgraduates, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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