IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

it is important for all towns and cities to have larges outdoor parks and squares. to what etent do you agree or disagree.

It is of popular opinion that the majority of cities and towns acquire places for
people
Use synonyms
 to gather outside like
parks
Use synonyms
. I agree fully with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
people
Use synonyms
 need more outdoor places to socialise and
eersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
service
.
People
Use synonyms
 need outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 to get together and play with their
children
Use synonyms
 and exercise. There are many parents of small kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have small apartments with no backyard or outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 anymore. Youngsters are forced to sit inside. They do not have
space
Use synonyms
 to move and build the important muscles that need to be built for their physical development and growth. By developing more
parks
Use synonyms
 parents would have a
space
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 to be active ride their bikes, swing, slide and build their gross motor skills
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are important for their
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Therefore
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing these facilities
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not only provide a
space
Use synonyms
 for residents to come together as a family and relax but
also
Linking Words
 improve
children
Use synonyms
's development in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I would like to add
parks
Use synonyms
 and squares are
also
Linking Words
 a place to come together and socialise. Families and friendships have become smaller and a great deal is because of the lack of
space
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 would have closer families if they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a place to go to
that is
Linking Words
 free and interesting.
People
Use synonyms
 sit indoors and scroll on their phones or watch television which can have negative consequences on their physical and mental health. By getting outdoors, families bond and friends are made
therefore
Linking Words
, there are less depression and obesity. In conclusion,
parks
Use synonyms
 are
such
Linking Words
 a benefit to society
children
Use synonyms
 will improve in school academically by moving and building muscles and it would lower health problems
that is
Linking Words
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 I am all for large outdoor spaces to be implemented and maintained.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly express your main argument. It would help set up your essay better for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a specific main point that relates to your thesis. Some sentences could use more straightforward phrasing to enhance understanding.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well supported with specific examples or elaboration. Expanding on some points can make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and demonstrate a good understanding of its importance.
task achievement
Your essay does present relevant ideas regarding the benefits of parks for children and socialization.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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