IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is important for all towns and cities to have large outdoor parks and squares. To what etent do you agree or disagree?

It is of popular opinion that the majority of
cities
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 and towns acquire places for
people
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 to gather outside like
parks
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. I agree fully with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
people
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 need more outdoor places because not all
people
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 have access to outdoor
space
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 and it will improve
societies
Change noun form
society's
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metal
Correct your spelling
mental
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 and physical health.
People
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 need outdoor
space
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 to get together and play with their
children
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 and exercise. There are many parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have small apartments with no backyard or outdoor
space
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 anymore. Youngsters are forced to sit inside.
Children
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 do not have
space
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 to move and build the important muscles that need to be built for their physical development and growth. By developing more
parks
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 parents would have a
space
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 for
children
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 to be active and build their gross motor skills that are important for their
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by implementing these facilities it will not only provide a
space
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 for residents to come together as a family and relax but
also
Linking Words
 improve
children
Use synonyms
's development in the future.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 it will lower the risk of child
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and improve mental health.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
parks
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 and squares are a great source of the going green effect.
Cities
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 can benefit from
parks
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 from the trees that produce
oegyn
Correct your spelling
ozone
 and provide a natural ecofriendly environment.
Parks
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also
Linking Words
 help by lowering the high level of temperatures in
cities
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.
Thus
Linking Words
,
parks
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 need to be implemented around towns and
cities
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 to improve the
ereas
Correct your spelling
areas
oegyn
Correct your spelling
Megyn
 levels. In conclusion,
parks
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 are
such
Linking Words
 a benefit to society,
Use synonyms
children
Correct word choice
that children
show examples
 will improve in school academically by moving and building muscles.
Parks
Use synonyms
 lower health problems and is more
ecofriendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
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 to the environment.
That is
Linking Words
way
Correct your spelling
why
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 I am all for large outdoor spaces to be implemented and maintained.

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task achievement
Consider including a more detailed explanation of how parks can improve mental health and contribute to community bonding.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that may distract the reader (e.g., 'metal' instead of 'mental', 'obisity' instead of 'obesity', 'oegyn' instead of 'oxygen').
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using linking phrases to connect paragraphs and ensure a smooth transition between ideas.
task achievement
Your emphasis on the importance of parks for children's physical health is well-articulated and shows an understanding of community well-being.
task achievement
You effectively mentioned environmental benefits of parks, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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