In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are controversial perspectives sparking a debate over the leading way of genders.
While
some hold a strong view that almost all leaders
whose gender is male tend to lead to violence-packed actions and wars, the opposite makes a statement that our world will be better if women take political empowerment. From my perspective, while
the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter.
Without a shadow of a doubt, our society
can be turned into an aggressive and violent one if men take political power
. It is apparent that male leaders
are more likely to make violence-packed decisions, even actions related to the war in order to pursue their desires. For example
, Adolf Hitler, a dictator of Germany can be cited as an expelling instance because of his arrogant commands which were the influential determinant of the second world war. Hence
, male leaders
whose leading way is harsh can pose a great threat to our sustainable pace.
While
the negative impacts which were led from men’s leading way are widely acknowledged, it is explicit that our society
whose political power
is taken by women will be more peaceful. Obviously, females have a softer power
of collaboration and tend to solve conflicts through negotiation. For instance
, Angela Markel who is the former president of Germany has put great effort into dealing with the conflict between Ukraine and Russia. Thus
, society
would be better governed and more peaceful when ruled by female leaders
.
In conclusion, I think men can bring our society
to conflicts and violence so women should get the leading roles through their soft power
of collaboration.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear stance is presented in the introduction and consistently elaborated throughout the essay. While you've taken a clear position, further emphasizing how each paragraph supports this stance could enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to connect ideas more fluidly, enhancing readability and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more diverse and detailed examples to strengthen arguments. Aim for specificity in examples to illustrate points more vividly.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite