IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people if different cultures and ages together

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It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world.
Music
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 is a vital
part
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 of all human cultures, and I would argue that
music
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 is a good
way
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 of bringing
people
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 of different nations and ages together.
Music
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 is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. As children, we are taught songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or simply as a form of enjoyment. Children delight in singing with others, and it would appear that the act of singing in a group creates a connection between participants, regardless of their age. Later in life,
people
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’s musical preferences develop, and we come to see our favourite songs as
part
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 of our life stories.
Music
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 both expresses and arouses emotions in a
way
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 that words alone cannot. In
this
Linking Words
way
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,
music
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 would integrate
people
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in
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of
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 different
age
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ages
show examples
 successfully. In my opinion,
music
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 should be valued in terms of the international
music
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 that has become so popular. International
music
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 is often catchy and fun, it is essentially a commercial product
that is
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 marketed and sold by business
people
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. Some of these
musics
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music
kinds of music
pieces of music
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 express the culture, customs and history of a country in innovative ways,
such
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 as the traditional styles including classical
music
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element
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elements
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, connect us to the past and form
part
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 of our cultural identity.
Therefore
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, sharing
musics
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music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 would be a good
way
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 to enhance the coherence of
people
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 from different cultures. In conclusion,
music
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 is a necessary
part
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 of human existence, and I believe that the
participancy
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participation
 of
music
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 should be given importance in bringing
people
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 in different countries and ages together.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your points about the role of music in connecting people from different cultures and ages. Personal anecdotes or references to well-known musicians or cultural events could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between ideas by using more linking phrases or words. This can help the reader understand how your ideas are connected and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint on the topic and demonstrates a good understanding of how music can connect people across cultures and ages.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and provides a solid overview of your argument regarding music's unifying power.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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