IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past important knowledge and history were stored in the museum. Nowadays information is freely available on the Internet therefore is no longer a need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people might say we don't need the
museum
Use synonyms
 because we always can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 and
histories
Fix the agreement mistake
history
show examples
 with
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the meaning of
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is not only
teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
show examples
 history to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 that kind of historical items far from many hazards.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they are
also
Linking Words
 working as a teacher to younger people to learn the atmospheres
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the past through their showing. First of all, museums can maintain our historical factors, giving them the appropriate humidity, degree, and place.
For example
Linking Words
, the book named Palman-daeganggyong made in
Joseon
Correct article usage
the Joseon
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 dynasty is really vulnerable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humidity because it
made
Add a missing verb
is made
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
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 wood. To
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 it
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
, The National
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Korean History stores it under an optimised condition. It is not possible if we don't have
such
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a constuction
show examples
constuction
Correct your spelling
construction
 that can fit its
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
 as we wanted.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, museums are the place to give us an experience that feeling like we're in the middle of history through their interiors and many specific atmospheres. The specialist
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 show interior, Kim Eunjoung said before that she
did
Verb problem
made
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 great effort to give a special experience to
Correct article usage
the audiance
show examples
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
. The door the people
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 faced from the beginning of the exhibition
was giving
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 the
feelings
Fix the agreement mistake
feeling
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 that
they're
Unnecessary verb
they
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faced
Wrong verb form
facing
show examples
 the
past's
Change noun form
past
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 palace of Joseon.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
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 of
divices
Correct your spelling
devices
 can offer the special experience that searching the internet cannot give.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that our society still
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 the role of
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 to preserve our historical artifacts.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective way to learn
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 atmosphere of the past is going
historic
Change preposition
to historic
show examples
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 would give fast and convenient results.

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coherence
Work on providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader better through your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively addressed the importance of museums in preserving historical artifacts and providing immersive learning experiences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible connection
  • authentic experience
  • guided learning experiences
  • credibility and curation
  • cultural preservation
  • community identity
  • sense of belonging
  • emotional impact
  • memorable experiences
  • virtual tours
  • local economies
  • tourism
  • curated exhibits
  • expertise
  • cultural heritage
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